Another birthday, another attempt to keep blogging!

Wow...it's been a while since I've been here. I think I'm over thinking the whole thing! I have been hesitant and unsure how to proceed with this 'journal'. Bronwyn is old enough to go on line and read for herself. River is old enough too and I have become conscious of privacy and safety and other factors that go with putting content on the Internet for anyone to read. Should I just do it anyway? That, in large part, is what stops me from posting the things that I want to. But on the other hand I have missed so much and, when I was going strong, I really did enjoy posting. So even though I've missed a lot, I will not dwell on flashbacks...but maybe I'll just continue anyway.

Speaking of Bronwyn being old enough. She just turned 12; a true Tween. The plan for this year's birthday was a beach party (which we organized last year). Sadly, the weather did not cooperate and so we swung into 'plan b'. Plan B was fully arranged by Bronwyn. She asked me to let her send invitations etc., and also to make myself scarce during the celebrations. So she did it; arranged her own birthday celebrations! She sent out invitations, organized everyone to go to swimming at UBC (via bus and car), and arranged for everyone to get back to the house in time for cake and presents. I was fully expecting to intervene, but apparently the prospect of me involving myself in her birthday was all the incentive she needed to do a great job organizing it herself! Why kids assume that you want to hang out with them and their 12 year-old friends is beyond me. Really, there are other things I like to do. Not that there is anything wrong with 12 year olds...but well, let's just say I'm not anxious to hang out and talk about Kylie Cosmetics and boys, or alternatively feel how old and outdated I am in everything I think. My presence is a mutually dissatisfying experience...well, apart from when I listen in on their conversations which are often a mixture of cute, funny, and mildly disturbing.

 

She's a smart and caring girl. She writes amazing poetry (if she lets me I will post a couple) and is great at art. In fact, this year's birthday present was some quality art supplies (watercolours and pencil crayons). Last week we had a day out downtown; art gallery and shopping - we had a lot of fun and she is great company! Happy Birthday to our wonderful daughter - we love you!

 

  

 

How time flies

I finished another Pinata! This time a cactus pinata: to tie in with Bronwyn's continued fascination with the desert. I am able to make them quite quickly and easily now and Bronwyn suggested I make them to sell. I wonder if that would work. I will try to dig up pictures of the pinatas I have made.

Here's a couple of recent pictures:

Crab Fishing at Jericho

In other news: we said goodbye to Cactus the gerbil who lived to over 5 years old. Bronwyn and I took him to the woods and buried him beside Ellee. Here is last picture of Caci, Bronwyn's beloved gerbil. And here is the embroidery she did and buried with him. It was very sad, but it seemed as though he was at death's door for so long that it was almost a relief.

 

Mark suffered a heart attack in January, which was surprising and upsetting for everyone. He had two stints put in and is now recovered. But it was a very stressful time, particularly for the kids (and Mark!). I had a hysterectomy in May which wasn't that much fun. Maybe more on that another time. I am mostly back to my variation on 'normal'. I will try my best to update a bit more regularly.

Thanksgiving Weekend 2015

Took a rainy-day walk to the Endowment Lands; something we haven't done for a while (well, it hasn't rained that much!). It was something the kids wanted to do - something we used to do quite a bit when they were younger - and I was very happy they wanted to go. Mike and I are used to walking distances. However, what we consider a short walk appeared to be a long, tiring walk for Bronwyn and River. They enjoyed it..but whining set in toward the end. The colours were quite dramatic; a 1000 shades of green and, here and there, a shower of golden leaves lit up the branches and lay draped and curled all around the green and mossy limbs. River was able to get re-acquainted with slugs (he became fascinated them when we went camping in August; almost as if he hadn't even noticed them before). Bronwyn chit-chatted and gathered large maple leaves. She wanted to bring them home and press them. I let her decide about that. It seems time to really let her try to figure out and make her own decisions about things. "Mummy, can I take this home? Do we have anything I can press this leaf with? Do I have any big books?" I replied that, yes, she could take it home. But as to whether or not she had a big book, or thought she could press it, that was up to her to think about and decide. It appears that giving kids this freedom to make their own decisions is not entirely welcome. Making decisions requires thought and a degree of effort, and so kids might prefer that you do all that though and effort. But my brain is tired of thought and effort and I sometimes feel that I cannot make another decision.
 

I volunteered to be PAC Chairperson this year. I am still debating the wisdom of this. It seemed like a good, if impulsive, decision at the time. I wanted to volunteer in the community. However, I really don't know what I'm doing and am thoroughly winging it. But I believe that it is through learning new things that I stay alert and maintain what little brain power I have. We'll see how it goes. The last meeting went well. I'm not sure I needed to give myself extra anxiety; I feel full of a myriad of anxieties these days. From the day to day concerns of family, money, job, school....to the more fundamental and philosophical concerns such as life - death - aging, growing children and the future of my boy with autism.

On Sunday we took the kids swimming and they had a lot of fun. Bronwyn brought her friend, Cami, along. River swam by himself in a pool for the first time ever! I was both proud and cautious. I let him be by himself for only a few minutes while I got changed (and even then, Mike stayed by the side of the pool until I came back). I changed guiltily, wondering all the time if I'd done the right thing. Would he be ok in there? What if something happened and I was that negligent parent who selfishly left the pool rather than stay to accompany my child who can barely swim? Even though Mike was there and so were the life-guards, and it is shallow, and...he CAN swim! So I changed quickly and returned to find River happily swimming and playing around with the pool toys. A relief! My worry about River can sometimes be overwhelming and all-consuming. It's not something I can talk about without choking back tears that come almost automatically, and without warning, any time I voice these worries. And there are worries about Brownyn too. Going through all the uncertainty of puberty. Growing up, but wanting to stay small at the same time. Letting go with one hand, while clinging to me with the other. What a strange and difficult time for her. I have to hold back from lecturing to often. On the one hand I want her to make her own decisions, but on the other hand I find it hard to resist giving my thoughts and opinions on everything she does! Poor girl. She is not the only one growing and learning, I guess. It's not something that we just stop doing once we reach adulthood. I am, like her, still unfinished, with a lot to learn.

Cherry Bomb and Parkour

Bronwyn has been bugging me to take her to a store called "Cherry Bomb" in downtown Vancouver. We passed it on our way to the Christmas Party in December; a custom T-shirt store (and more). A particular T-shirt (a stormtrooper wearing a Santa hat) caught her eye. Every weekend, well, every day, since then she has asked; "Can we go to Cherry Bomb?" "You said you'd take me to Cherry Bomb." "We're going to Cherry Bomb, right?" "Remember you said we could go to Cherry Bomb?" Relentless.

"It's a lame t-shirt store", I responded negatively, "You will be disappointed." And I blabbed on about not wanting to waste my precious weekend time. But the requests weren't going to stop until we'd made the trip. So on Sunday, a warm and cloudy day, Mike and I decided that we should all do a bike trip downtown. Well, actually, we parked our bikes close to the Burrard Bridge, and walked over the bridge and into downtown.

It was a fun afternoon. Cherry Bomb did not disappoint Bronwyn. It was not the store that I remembered or thought it was and so I had to eat my words. You can choose a design from 100s of pics and get it printed on a t-shirt or sweatshirt. We only had time and money to look at the pre-made shirts. Many of them are not what you'd call 'child-friendly'; lots of drug motifs. As well, the store has a whole bunch of vintage Playboy magazines everywhere. I didn't understand the connection (custom t-shirts - Playboy...nope, still don't get it). The far back of the store appears to be a head shop...beware when you are taking curious children. With all the weed 'dispensaries' opening up in Vancouver (about 4 in our own neighbourhood), I am answering a lot of questions about Cannabis lately. Which is a subject for another post. We enjoyed looking around and, of course, came out with a shirt for Bronwyn, a phone case for Nicky, and a wallet for River.
 

 

As we approached downtown along Granville Sreet, the kids got quiet. I could see them looking around at the strange array of people we were passing. A group of teenagers, not much older than them, dishevelled and scruffy, covered with sleeping bags and crouched together with their dogs. "I feel really sorry for the dogs", Bronwyn said. I remembered a Seinfeld skit where he asks what is the point of having a dog if you're homeless, with the dog probably thinking, "Hey, I can do this by myself!" If you are a dog owned by a homeless person are you a stray dog? Anyway, the kids gradually warmed up to the surroundings and what started as apprehension soon turned into interest. It is quite a colourful part of downtown; grungy restaurants, seedy looking adult stores (although they are far fewer than there used to be), flop houses. We watched as a slow and stooped old guy struggled with his walker to to enter the adult store, which advertised 25c peep shows and other 'delights'. Alongside this scene is the up-and-coming side to Granville Street; hotels and newish trendy stores and restaurants as you get closer to the downtown core.

 

Nicky impressed us with his parkour skills; jumping and spinning and climbing over any structure he saw along the way. And downtown is great for that, walls and steps to jump and climb, gates and poles to negotiate. Bronwyn followed a little more apprehensively. River followed too. When Nicky jumped a fence or bicycle rack, River would follow and crawl under it. It was quite funny. River lacks the balance and coordination that Nicky revels in. He is way more cautious, but he got into the spirit of it. So did Bronwyn, who is growing into a young lady and perhaps thought it was a little undignified to be flinging herself over walls and railings.

Nicky had to leave as soon as we got back and that always makes us a bit glum. But we'll plan some stuff for the next weekend.

Not Quite New Year

Hena taking River down the slope

Yes, it's me. Still here. I'm gonna try again to keep up this thing. As usual, I am mad at myself for missing so much. River's 8th birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve at the beach (well, I think I will still post a little about that). Recent trip to Calgary, new jobs....too many new jobs! Kids and outings. All the things that I started this blog in order to document. Of course, I am still journaling - but it's not for anyone's eyes but mine, and not particularly useful. I may recap some events, but time keeps passing and I don't want to play too much catch up. I'll just start from here.

Might as well get down to it, so here are a few pictures from our recent few days in Calgary, visiting Mike's parents. It was a good trip. Not without it's awkwardness, which I could go into if I had more time. It was nice to spend time with them and Gloria kept plying us with delicious food, which is always welcome. We also spent time with Hena, Nicky's cousin (Bronwyn and River's step-cousin?). The kids had fun together and Hena did a great job at teaching River to swim...and toboggan (until a bunch of kids, unexpectedly, crashed into him at the bottom of the hill). We were only in Alberta for a few days last weekend, but on Monday we borrowed the car and drove to Banff. My first visit. We'd arrived in Calgary on the Friday and had already spent the weekend at their place. River had been on his best behaviour. Staying under control and contained takes a lot of effort for River. Just following along with everything, especially new things, is a challenge, but he did well. And we were quite busy; toboganning, swimming at the pool attached to their complex, visiting. It meant that the drive to Banff was a chance for him to relax and so he was quite silly on the way there and driving us crazy. Just as we got to Banff he took a deep breath and announced, "Ok, I've stopped being silly now". "Thank you", we said in relief. I do believe that it is difficult for him to control his silliness when he's had a period of time where he's tried hard to keep control. It tells me what a struggle school must be. Overall, he is doing very well these days and it is good to see. The kids had a great time playing and swimming. They actually took some minutes away from their devices...gasp!

Banff was beautiful, but cold. Around -10 (which is very cold as far as I am concerned). We walked around the Banff Springs Hotel, which is quite an amazing building; majestic and well positioned in the snow-capped mountains. We were playing out in the snow, which was mainly what the kids were interested in doing, and a friendly passer-by/conference goer offered to take our picture. Bronwyn perched herself on top of the mounty statue. Nicky is in the background, leaning on the horse. Of course I will post better pictures as I get back in the groove.

Family in Banff

Mike and Nicky at the top of the hill

Look out below!

Nicky, Bronwyn, and Hena

Banff Hotel

River and I walking in snowy hills near the house

 

The family photo

It was River's first time on an airplane since he was 7 months old. He was very nervous, and so was I. Everyone assured me that he'd be fine, but I wasn't so sure. I had visions of him panicking at take-off. My fears proved unfounded. A few deep breaths and he remained quite calm and even said he really enjoyed going on planes. What a relief!

There have been quite a few adventures since my last post, and I wish I had written about them. Where I can I will try to add some notes about them. The whole purpose of this is to try to record happenings in our lives, mostly for my own benefit and so the kids have something to look back on...and also so that far away relatives, who are bored, will have something to do when every other form of entertainment has been exhausted. Back soon.

Bronwyn turned 10 - Happy Birthday!

Hard to believe that my little girl turned 10 last Saturday! She partied the night away with her friends, Cammi, Gala, Emma...and also Nicky and River.

I have to say, it was way more crazy than I thought it would be! I saw a different side to the kids...as if I was seeing what 10 year olds are like in the 'wild'. They shrieked and giggled and yelled and danced around like mad. I wish I'd got video of their freeze dance game. It was hilarious as they moved and gyrated and tried to imitate what they think of as teenage or cool. Mike and I were very much in the background. In fact, we were hiding in the kitchen, drinking our moonshine and exchanging looks of shock and horror; "Really? these are our little kids!" They know way more than I thought they did! Mike made his oreo/cream cake in the shape of a number 10 and we supplied pizza, disturbingly pink cream soda, and junk food.

I got them t-shirts and fabric paint (will post a pic) and they all decorated their t-shirts. I managed to smudge every t-shirt in my attempts to hang them to try. "Mummmyyy!" said Bronwyn, as I wrecked yet another masterpiece. "Errr...well, a smudged t-shirt is all part of the memory!" I offered...somewhat apologetically.

They tried to watch Grease. Grease was the first movie I ever went to see without my parents. I think I was about 13. If someone had told me that my daughter would choose that same movie for her 10th birthday xx amount of years later (I cannot do math), I would have been amazed. I am amazed! They only got about half way through. The requirements for movie watching; i.e., sitting still, could not be managed and it quickly deteriorated to giggling, poking and inappropriate talk. Every so often I would creep out of the kitchen and say, "Be appropriate"...but mostly I tried to resist doing that. I'm not good at organizing parties - or being trapped with wild 10 year olds...but I think it all went well.

We got Bronwyn a beautiful blue scooter. A little over budget, but I think she'll get a lot of use out of it. (will post a pic).

River was mostly included, which was great. I wondered if part of the added craziness was the simple addition of Nicky; a 10 year old boy in the group. It seem to make a couple of the girls get even sillier in a kind of game of one-up-man ship in saying outrageous things. I could be wrong. Maybe that's what they are like when let lose and jacked up on cream soda and cake. Anyway, they had fun and I think Bronwyn had a good birthday. There were a few occasions when I saw it was a bit much for her. She looked over at me at moments with an exasperation as she tried to rally her friends. It was a responsibility that she's not used to. I was pleased to see we weren't completely forgotten...they still wanted us (as adults) to watch this or that. They haven't completely gone over to the other side...still little kids!

Bike Ride to Granville Island

Boat houses at Granville Island

It's already Wednesday and so easy to get behind with updates. Busy weekend with Nicky here. Time flies by and my head spins. Got my taxes done on Saturday...a chore that I am glad to have out of the way. It rained all day, so we stayed in and around home. Bronwyn at her friend's birthday party, Nicky on a play date, River on his own (as usual) playing "Plants vs. Zombies" on his ipad. I need to work harder to provide him with play dates. (What does autism look like? For one thing, it looks like a 7 year old boy who has never been asked for a play date!) He does have a friend to play with, but I need to initiate these play dates, and I need to do more. I perpetually feel like I am failing him. I suspect I am always going to feel that way. But on to Sunday....

Jeronimo!

On Sunday the weather was good and so we decided to bike down to Granville Island. It was a good ride. No complaining from the kids as they sped along. Even River kept up...legs spinning a mile a minute. We tried out the new bike path along Point Grey Rd (an expensive conversion to enable rich people to get out of their driveways). It was weird to ride along there without traffic.

Nicky attempting the bigger jumps

We stopped off at the Jump Park underneath the Burrard St. bridge. Some of the park is for skilled riders...but there is a little slopping part to the side and Bronwyn and River thought they were Evil Kievel (I guess that shows my age!) as they went up and down the slopes - slowly and carefully. "Whoa" yelled River..."Jeronimo!" Nicky is more proficient and can attempt the bigger hills and jumps. He tried a couple and then slipped and got a little injured. But he got back on and tried again.

Glass blowing at Granville Island

There are enough of us to make a 'crowd'

Water taxi parking lot

Had fun at Granville Island; playgrounds, ice-cream, market (avoiding 'killer seagulls'). We stopped off to watch a guy blowing glass in his studio; kids were fascinated as he put the glass into the bright orange furnace and manipulated the shape. We speculated on what it could be...a vase, we decided. The police had quardened off a section of road near the market; a "police incident". Bronwyn and Nicky were morbidly fascinated when they learned that someone had died and endlessly speculated on what could have happened. We found out later that someone had jumped from the Granville Bridge and onto the concrete below...a shocking scene that I am glad we did not see. If we'd been half an hour earlier, we may not have been so lucky. I didn't mention this to the kids. Bronwyn is morbid enough as it is.

Motley crew...we told them to look serious...really!

Get the party started...

Spring break 2014. After a fairly relaxing weekend for Mike and I, we are getting ready to fill up spring break with entertainment. Or should we just relax and let the kids do what they want; which we know would consist of staring at screens for most of the 2 weeks. Like every modern-day parent, we have to fight the lure of the ipad/itouch/computer for the attention of our kids.

Bronwyn has become something of a reader. Proud at the speed with which she gets through a book. Her suggestion of things to do during the break was read. OK! She spent last night at her best friend, Izzy's, birthday party. I will get her soon and quite possibly have to listen to which girl was exclusive and which girl was being rude etc. At this age it seems that girls are very highly competitive and judgmental about each other...does that change? (rhetorical question).

The problem is getting River unglued from his ipad and, in particular, from the game "Plants vs Zombies". If permitted, he will play this game  non-stop. He will also talk about it non-stop - to anyone who will listen. It takes quite an effort to pull him away and coerce him into playing something else like Lego.

The rained poured down on Saturday and Sunday...it is March and this is Vancouver, no surprises there. Of course this scuppered our plans for a long walk and so, instead, we watched the final couple of episodes of True Detective. It was okay. A bit of an anti-climax. I am skeptical of all the hype, anyway. The characters are interesting, particularly Rust - the sub-plot is the oh-so-familiar hunt for a serial killer who is torturing and killing/raping women and children (is there really nothing else??). Stereo-types of dubious evangelic extremists groups. Wonderful scenery and sets. But no intriguing women characters. Apparently in this ground-breaking series they kept to all the formulaic traditions of a serial killer-detective show. Perhaps it was considered just TOO ground-breaking (the audience just isn't ready for it!) to write a role for a woman that wasn't as a dead person (carefully crafted dialogue and images that lead us to picture a rape and torture scene), a prostitute, or a nagging wife/girlfriend. This gets tiresome for me. So I was entertained as long as I could push these glaring defects off to one side.

After a Saturday spent lazing together, we went over to Trini and Lorne's for dinner and drinks. This felt incredibly grown up. We had a good time and it was great to catch up. They live 5 minutes away and yet we don't get together very much. I'd like to alter that pattern. We chatted and talked about this and that, entertained ourselves with their 3 cats (one of who is very shy), and commented on photos as they came up on the TV/computer screen-saver. It was fun. Mike and I, even after a year of living together, still consider ourselves a new couple; emerging slowly into the world of a dinners and outings with other people. We are both relatively quiet homebodies too - it has to be said. Sunday was another lazy day. Reading. I am reading "The In-between World of Vikram Lall", and thoroughly enjoying it. Mark brought the kids back after they spent the weekend with him. And now we begin.

Let's try this again...

Been meaning to update...but days go by, then weeks, then months....you know how it is.

I have missed so much over the past months and it is a shame. So we're back.

A recap: River had a birthday and turned 7. School is okay. There have been some bullying incidents and I can only hope it is the not start of the way things will be for him. A couple of incidents where he was hit and others where he's been laughed at. I am meeting/working with the teacher and principal to figure out what we can do. It seems to me that the other kids could use some education and empathy. However, overall he seems to be having a better time at school than he had last year. We still continue to work with him to help him with social communication and to give him tools that regulate his behaviour. He is definitely progressing...but, as is typical with autism, it's a slow road.

Bronwyn is doing well at school. Anxious over her grades and determined to get straight A's. She's become a good chess player and, overall, an avid game player and reader. She's smart. A lot smarter than I was/am. It's a little disconcerting. I will talk more about some of the books that she is reading as well as my own.

Nicky is my step-son and Bronwyn and River's step brother. Full of energy and great at socializing - he plays all kinds of games with River and is, without question, River's idol. He is also good friends with Bronwyn and they have a good time together when he is with us.

I continue to work at the preschool/language centre. It is hard work. Rewarding, but exhausting and challenging at the same time. And criminally underpaid. I am looking forward to spring break. I am proud that I have motorbiked to work almost every day. I should also be using my wonderful blue bicycle (pics later), but I am a fair weather cyclist. Mike cycles to work day in and day out, putting me to shame.

I will fill in more details of our lives as I go along. But here's some recent pics...

 Mike and I continue our 'big walks' around the city and further. We go anywhere from 15 to 20km and walking downtown and all around, including picking up buns at New Town Bakery in China town. A well-known and amazingly busy bakery/restaurant on Pender st., famous for their steamed buns. Will get pics the next time we are there. This view was from Canada Place looking to the south. I think it is a city view that one does not usually see. Walking around the city has been a wonderful way to really get to know Vancouver. We don't have the time to walk as much as we did...but we try to do one or two big walks when the kids are with Mark.

This past weekend (against my advice because I said they should plan it and have more stuff...what do I know?!) the kids decided to have a small yard sale. They made a few dollars...but it was cute that they had the idea and, without assistance, carried it out. Looking forlorn was a good strategy as well. River bought back a couple of his own toys (although Bronwyn denies they were his). Here he is negotiating the purchase of wind up chattering teeth.

 Nicky cannot resist smiling...but Bronwyn maintains her stern countenance. Often frowning, just like I used to (still do!) I hope she is not cursed with the major frown lines that sit on my forehead.

 Bronwyn and Nicky walking to Jericho. Bronwyn loving her 'fur' coat and beginning to work on her own unique style. Both in their (ridiculous) high top shoes.

Kids busy breaking rocks on the beach...always some rocks that need smashing.

Mike - who hates any pictures of himself but, oh well, I like them.

River taking in the beach and the city view.

Still working on various projects - knitting/crochet...and still reading; just not as much as I would like. Time is the commodity that is always in short supply.

So this is were we start from....more to follow.