River

Yesterday we had our first team meeting with River's new ABA consultant. It went really well and I believe we made the right decision. There's a lot of work to do to get River on track with his new program. I avoid going into details because there is so much "tech-speak" that I find it difficult to describe to people what Applied Behaviour Analysis entails. I don't know how much I understand myself. When I attempt to explain what River spends hours, one-to-one learning there is just not enough time. I see their eyes glaze over. For someone who has no knowledge of autism it is hard to describe how differently these kids learn. Yet, there is so much attention around autism, that I often meet people who think they know what it is. I cannot imagine how it must have been for parents and children years ago, with no help. Would River have ended up in a mental institution? It is a sobering thought.

Now I am feeling a lot of pressure to get him ready for kindergarten in September. My concerns about kindergarten ebb and flow. One minute I am okay with our decision to send him there (we had the option to hold him back in preschool for an additional year). However, in BC you are only entitled to hold a child back for one year. Therefore, if we hold him back at the beginning of his school career, then we would not have the option to hold him back later on, for example in grade 12. It seems a long way away, but perhaps he will need that extra year at the end in order to be able to finish high school. If I envision him in a kindergarten class then he just doesn't seem ready for it. But he needs to learn from his peers and keeping him in preschool, although a safe option,does not seem to be a good choice.

We are assured that he will receive full-time one-to-one classroom support in kindergarten. But I know a lot depends on the support person and their relationship with the classroom teacher. Kids like River can be subtle. He is very verbal and talks all the time. However, he has very limited comprehension and most of what he says is echolalic (echoing what he has just heard, or heard some time ago). I suppose school is just part of the ongoing challenge. Already Bronwyn's friends ask questions about River. They know he is different. "Why does he repeat everything?" "Why doesn't he answer?" "What is he saying?" I am not necessarily worried about bullying (at least not early on). But I am so worried that he will be lonely. He is quite a social boy and I see him try to initiate play, but without the usual skills. Other kids don't know what he is doing...standing beside them, looking and not talking. And after a few minutes River will simply walk away. I hope I can try to get some kind of playdates for him. He's attended 2 different preschools and has never been asked on a playdate. Not even when I have asked other people if they would have a playdate with River so that perhaps their child could help "teach" River some play skills. Perhaps kindergarten will really develop his social skills.

I suppose at times Mark and I have to remind ourselves that no matter what we do or how much he learns, he will be a child, and then a man, with autism. It's not going to go away. But lots will change and we cannot get too caught up in the momentary challenges. As well, we cannot forget how far he as already come. He is a smart, happy boy. As someone said to me recently, this too shall pass, even the good stuff. It is all fleeting.

Reminds me of that famous poem by William Carlos Williams:

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.