Knitting is sexy...apparently

In an effort to get back to doing something creative...and relaxing, I have been attempting to finish some knitting projects. Actually, scratch that, I have been thinking about attempting to finish some knitting projects. As well, I have been thinking about doing some painting...errr...and writing...and making Christmas cards. Phew, hard work all that thinking! Among "stuff to finish" is the other sock (well, 3 other socks actually), a scarf, a sweater for Bronwyn, a sweater for River, for me, a stuffed crocodile who just needs her limbs sewn on...blah blah. All that thinking made me tired and in need of diversion. Thankfully, God, in His infinite wisdom, created the Internet (kind of)! So I was browsing patterns on Ravelry, the Internet knitting site, the other night (why finish a project when you can start another one?), when a category called "Intimate Apparel" caught my eye. I am aware of a trend over the past few years to make knitting sexy and to create so-called "subversive" knitting patterns in an attempt to reinforce the forward-thinking idea that knitting is no longer a pastime relegated to grandmothers and moms-to-be. But as much as I love knitting, I just don't find it that sexy. Nor for that matter have I personally ever thought it boring or old-fashioned. Nevertheless, sexy knitting is here!
 

yes, my skein is warm and soft...

Some attempts to make knitting sexy are fairly obvious. Photograph a naked, or semi-naked woman....knitting. After all, who doesn't knit semi-naked with a coquettish expression and strategically placed skeins of yarn? But an erotic picture that features knitting is not the same as a "sexy" knitted garment. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't find knitted lingerie particularly sexy. I can see the fun - in a 50s pin-up or a burlesque sort of way. But even then, it is the knitted aspect of the garment that I find off-putting. It just doesn't "do it" for me texturally.

In my search I came across a couple of questionable patterns. This little number for example:

I am not a fan of thongs in general. I am less a fan of knitted thongs...and even less a fan of knitted thongs for men. I mean, I like the male "physique"...but wrapped in a knitted thong? I don't think so. I made the mistake of opening the "projects" tab, where knitters post their finished projects. As we all know, underwear looks quite different on a mannequin, or a model, than on real people. So here was an assortment of members (pardon the pun) showing off their knitted thongs. It was (to put it bluntly) a kind of "amateur gallery"...if you get my meaning, and I think you do.

The pattern description of the thong read, "This sexy men's thong brief covers just the essentials while lounging, sunning, or under clothes while running around." It occurred to me that none of the adjectives used in that sentence should ever be used when describing a knitted thong. Ever. One woman stated her reason for knitting said male-thong, "A male friend of mine, while very supportive of my knitting habit, keeps harassing me to make him a “self-scratching” thong.".... Here I paused for a while to count my blessings. Among my blessings I count that never has any partner or a male friend of mine ever "harassed" me to make him a "self-scratching" thong. Then again, perhaps they really wanted one but were afraid to ask incase I looked at them oddly (aghast, perhaps) and then crumpled into hysterical laughter...which undoubtably would have happened. But maybe there are hundreds of men out there who secretly long for a self-scratching thong. I just don't know.

I found a pattern for a knitted corset. I have nothing against corsets. And if you're into dressing up then all is fair game. But I'm not sure about a knitted corset. It's gone from being a shape-enhancing intimate garment that some (many) find sexy, to a woolly scarf tied around your waist with ribbon. But you may disagree and I'm posting the pattern in case any knitters feel inspired.

There is a pattern for cute pink, lacy knitted handcuffs...knitted bondage? ...mmmmkay. I would show the picture and the pattern in case you are interested in knitting them, but the designer asked me to take it off here.

And even a knitted whip: "Crack. Tell mama you're a bad boy." Okay, I thought that was quite funny and obviously there is a fun side. Not sure there'd be much of a "crack" though.

As the description reads, "This whip/belt combo is a must-have for the dominatrix on the go." I suppose so. Although I would have thought a resourceful dominatrix, who comes across a "naughty boy" while on the go, could "punish" him with any old belt in a pinch.

"Booby-trap" by ADHD knitting

I'm not sure what I can say about this (these). Certainly not your grandmother's knitting...that's for sure. Perhaps I can take some comfort in knowing that, should the need arise, there is a pattern out there for knitted boobs...and it's a free Ravelry download too. So forget expensive breast-enhancing surgery. Just knit yourself a pair of boobs in the shape, size, and colour you want. You could have multiple pairs. And they look and feel...errr..similar...if it's dark...and you and/or your partner is very drunk.

But still, for me when intimate apparel is knitted it seems to lose any kind of sex appeal it might once have had (except for thongs which had no sex-appeal to begin with). I love knitting and knitted garments, but I suppose I find it difficult to see a knitted item as something sexy. Intricate, beautifully crafted, texturally interesting, comfortable...all that and more, but not sexy. Perhaps I am out of date. Mind you, I am all for anything that gets people interested in knitting...as well as having fun. So if it is sexy for some, then great. Well, I guess it's time to stop browsing, get naked, and finish one of my projects.