Healing...

I will just do one more post regarding Ellee. Then I will lighten things up and talk about other stuff. Promise.

It' s been over a week now since Ellee died. Every day gets a little bit easier. It is still difficult to enter the house alone and be greeted by the empty space, and not by our beautiful dog with her wagging tail and trusting look. Sometimes the absence of the thing that we love seems to take up more space than the thing itself. I find I have to make constant mental readjustments to accept the different reality that is life without Ellee. My psyche seems continually challenged by a new version of family so seemingly different to the one that we had all grown used to and accepted. I know the impact of death is relative; a pet is a pet. There are far greater sorrows. But I also believe that it is a tribute to the limitless capacity of the human heart to love, that we can deeply love our family and friends, feel compassion for the sorrow and anguish of complete strangers, and yet also give so much love to our pets.  They share our lives in such a unique way.

On Sunday we buried Ellee's ashes in the Endowment Lands. Bronwyn was hesitant at first and didn't want to go. She said she didn't want to feel sad and cry. We didn't push it, but I explained to her that it did not necessarily have to be a sad occasion; that Ellee would be a part of the forest and would help the trees and plants grow. That her spirit was no longer in her body. In the end it was a very positive experience. We found a spot a few steps away from one of our favourite paths. Part way along this particular path there is a small stump cut in such a way that we have always said it resembled a chair. Bronwyn found this "chair" stump a couple of years ago when she needed a rest one day. That day she had brought along her stuffed hamster, Chimpy. Unfortunately, she lost Chimpy in the woods that same day and, although we went back to look for it, we never found it. Since then, everytime we walked down the path and passed by the stump, we created stories and possibilities about what happened to Chimpy. We even named the stump "Chimpy's chair". So we buried Ellee a few steps from Chimpy's chair, under a big fir tree. We put a few decorations around. We said a brief goodbye to Ellee and gathered twigs to mark her "grave". Then we took turns to say something that we loved about her. For Bronwyn, her soft chin and her fur. For me, her soft fur, gentle nature and walks. Mark loved her gentle nature and how she gave us all so much love in return. It was poignant and sorrowful, but Bronwyn said, "This is much more fun than I thought it would be." I was glad when she said that because then I knew I had accomplished what I'd set out to do.

 She has been non-stop drawing lovely pictures of Ellee. She draws a picture named "First", and then a picture named "Last". First is Ellee with us, and Last, of course, is Ellee in heaven, or spirit world, or crossing the rainbow bridge (a poem the vet gave us to read). She's a brave little girl and we are very proud of her.