7 down...13 to go...

Well, 7 treatments down and 13 to go. I do feel tired, but I don't think it is to do with the radiation therapy. I think it's a combination of everything that composes my crazy life, and not enough time to rest and re-energize. I'm actually a little worried about how I will feel when the fatigue from radiation does start to kick-in...or maybe it won't be too bad. I've kept up with running - even when I felt like I was literally dragging myself out the door. I want to keep up with it if I can. The only side-effect so far is that my boob looks like it's had it's own beach holiday - and forgot the sunscreen. Oh well. There are always good days and bad days, but generally, I am staying positive.

This is a drawing that Bronwyn made of her visit to my radiation therapy...

I have taken Bronwyn along with me to a few radiation sessions. She enjoys coming with me (riding in our new VW van) and is excited that she gets to push the buttons that move the bed up and down and side to side. The technicians/therapists are really friendly and take the time to interact with her and answer her questions. She doesn't appear to be intimidated by the huge radiation machine. And she gets stickers and a tattoo for all her hard work. The other day I was laying in the machine. In between my two 30 second zaps of radiation I heard a small voice come over the speaker (they wait outside while the radiation is administered). It was Bronwyn saying, "Hi mummy, you're doing a good job". Her voice sounded so adorable; high-pitched, small, and childish. Separate in so many ways from where I was. My grey and white surroundings; the large clinical room with its incumbent radiation machine and accompanying monitors. My quietly-suppressed anxiety. It was a beautiful reminder of what is most precious to me.

(Edit...actually, after my visit today I noticed that one wall is painted a burgundy-red and the other walls are a warmish beige. There is a wood (Ikea-looking) shelve unit attached to one wall. It is not all grey and white at all. But my eyes are always drawn to the radiation machine and the other equipment in the room (that is greyish). When I lay down on the bed I simply see the white ceiling and the lights, while everything else skirts around my peripheral vision. I suppose my perception of the room is narrowly defined and I remember it seeming more austere and unwelcoming than it actually is. I wonder how many times that happens at other times and in other places).

We constantly have to remind ourselves that she has a lot on her plate right now, and we have to cut her some slack in her behaviour. I suppose we need to be easier on ourselves too! The fact is that we need a break. I'm too exhausted by the evening to do anything much and I have been going to bed by 9:30pm. Good friends have offered to take the kids for a few hours at the weekend and during the week. It is time to take them up on their offers. We need the help. All in all, it makes a really big difference to us. It stops the kids getting so bored of us...ha ha.