Rest in Peace our Beloved Ellee

beautiful Ellee on the beach

This post is difficult to write... It seems so strange that at the end of my last post I wrote that I hoped Ellee wasn't dying and that I wasn't ready. The very next day, on Saturday evening, she died. Our beautiful, loyal, kind, and gentle dog. The quiet observer of all our trials and tribulations. My longest relationship. Our companion on miles and miles of walks in the woods and along the beach. I will miss her so much. We will all miss her. It's hard to imagine our lives without her. The house feels empty. We keep thinking we hear her, or catch glimpses of her in the spaces where she used to sleep or sit. The dog hair that I used to complain about is still around and how I wish there were more of it to complain about. And her beautiful coat to stroke. Man, woman and child's best friend; the only reason to get up and walk the beach or woods on a frosty winter morning.

One of the first pics of Ellee

On Saturday evening at around 7:20, the kids and I were settling down for a bedtime story. Ellee, who was sleeping in her bed, moved as if to get up as she usually does if she wants to stretch or walk. But this time something was terribly wrong. Something took hold of her and she lost balance and fell to the floor on her back, with her legs madly scrambling. I rush over and moved her quickly onto her side and tried to calm her. I thought she may have scared herself, or really hurt her hips. Bronwyn rushed over and starting screaming, "What's happening? What's wrong with her?, "Ellee!!". I soon realised (because we used to have a dog that had regular seizures) that she was having a seizure. She recovered a little, and I managed to get River to bed. I stroked her and, although she was panting and clearly traumatized, she seemed to be calming down. But then it started all over again. Seizures don't usually last more than

a minute, but this one didn't stop. Her legs were scrambling and her jaw clenched and bit, her whole body trembled with spasms. It was terrible to see her that way. All I could do was put my hands on her and stroke her; let her know that I was there for her and try to provide what comfort I could. Poor Bronwyn was distraught and crying hysterically. Unfortunately, Mark was away for the night (it was the worse timing, but she seemed to rally on Friday and that was why he decided to go). I didn't even have the van. Fortunately, I got hold of Trini and Lorne, and our friend Mike. They came over quickly and Mike and his son Nicky stayed with Bronwyn while we wrapped darling Ellee in a blanket and took her on the long, rainy, miserable ride to the emergency animal hospital. At this point I knew that we weren't going to be coming back with her. I had already told Bronwyn that she needed to say goodbye.



with Senna in Tofino


 They immediately took Ellee to the back and administered some medication to stop the seizure. This didn't work and so they had to administer stronger medicine. The vet spoke to me of "options", but she basically told me the prognosis was not good. With a seizure lasting so that long Ellee would likely be brain-damaged or soon back into another one. Sadly, it was her time to go and I knew it. So there was only really one option and that was to put her to sleep. Ellee seemed calm. I'm not sure if she was conscious or not. I said my goodbyes while she lay on the metal table at the back of the vets. It felt surreal as these things inevitably do. (I even noticed there were a couple of small dogs with bandages in cages, whimpering nearby). Ellee suddenly looked like what she was; a very, very old dog. There didn't seem much left in her, but I was never ready to accept that she would be gone one day. I said a tearful, heartfelt goodbye to the most wonderful dog I have ever known. I stroked her and told her what a good dog she was and that it was okay to go. She fell into a deeper sleep and finally into that endless sleep. She was at peace after a full, happy, and long life - full of love, companionship and adventure. But my heart broke into pieces as I saw her laying there, and worse I knew that I had to go back and tell Bronwyn, who loved Ellee more than anything else. It was beyond sad and words cannot express how deeply we miss her, and will continue to miss her.

Always with Bronwyn...true friends

I am glad that we had help from Trini and Lorne, and Mike. I felt bad that Nicky (only 6) witnessed everything. He even wanted to give Bronwyn his old dog so that she wouldn't feel so sad. Mark was, and is, very upset that he wasn't there to say goodbye. But we couldn't have known it would happen so quickly. Bronwyn's heart is broken, but she's trying to deal with it the best way that she can. She says Ellee is a spirit around her now and she talks to her as if Ellee were her "invisible" friend. The benefit to this is that she gets to take Ellee to school. I am sure this is a coping strategy and I anticipate that it will fade over time. It is a tough lesson. We have watched Bronwyn grieve and try so hard to understand the eternal question of death and what comes after. One minute Ellee is in "doggy heaven", but at times that seems to make her more sad. The concept of heaven is, after all, extremely complex when you think about it.  So she is running around on all fours and pretending to be a dog (more than she usually would). There is a good book for kids who lose their loved pets called "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney". We read that together and it seemed to help.

We are not unfamiliar with grief and we know there isn't much we can do except think about her, miss her, talk about her and simply let time do it's thing. We will collect Ellee's ashes and bury her in the Endowment Lands, one of our favourite places to walk. We will say goodbye to her and then we will walk in the woods without her, as we must.


our last family camping trip with Ellee

We try to think of positives: we had nearly 14 wonderful years with her. She had a good life after being rescued from the SPCA (who rescued her from the streets). She was never left alone for long and went on almost daily walks to the woods, or the beach or a park. She was loved and cared for and gave nothing but love back. We took good care of her and enjoyed her trusting, and gentle companionship, as well as her unfailing protection. Until the end she was a very healthy dog. Aside from routine check-ups, she only had two previous trips to the vet, and both visits were for a cut paw. Of course, I keep thinking of how I could have done more. But that is only natural. I keep thinking of a poem by Leonard Cohen that I've liked since I was a teenager. Short and sweet (I've changed his "Annie" to our "Ellee"):

With Ellee gone,

Whose eyes to compare

With the morning sun?

Not that I did compare,

But I do compare

Now that she's gone.

I know I am a better person because Ellee was in our lives and because I loved and cared for her. She was a true companion; a really, really good dog. Rest in peace Ellee...forever missed and forever in our hearts.