Bronwyn turned 10 - Happy Birthday!

Hard to believe that my little girl turned 10 last Saturday! She partied the night away with her friends, Cammi, Gala, Emma...and also Nicky and River.

I have to say, it was way more crazy than I thought it would be! I saw a different side to the kids...as if I was seeing what 10 year olds are like in the 'wild'. They shrieked and giggled and yelled and danced around like mad. I wish I'd got video of their freeze dance game. It was hilarious as they moved and gyrated and tried to imitate what they think of as teenage or cool. Mike and I were very much in the background. In fact, we were hiding in the kitchen, drinking our moonshine and exchanging looks of shock and horror; "Really? these are our little kids!" They know way more than I thought they did! Mike made his oreo/cream cake in the shape of a number 10 and we supplied pizza, disturbingly pink cream soda, and junk food.

I got them t-shirts and fabric paint (will post a pic) and they all decorated their t-shirts. I managed to smudge every t-shirt in my attempts to hang them to try. "Mummmyyy!" said Bronwyn, as I wrecked yet another masterpiece. "Errr...well, a smudged t-shirt is all part of the memory!" I offered...somewhat apologetically.

They tried to watch Grease. Grease was the first movie I ever went to see without my parents. I think I was about 13. If someone had told me that my daughter would choose that same movie for her 10th birthday xx amount of years later (I cannot do math), I would have been amazed. I am amazed! They only got about half way through. The requirements for movie watching; i.e., sitting still, could not be managed and it quickly deteriorated to giggling, poking and inappropriate talk. Every so often I would creep out of the kitchen and say, "Be appropriate"...but mostly I tried to resist doing that. I'm not good at organizing parties - or being trapped with wild 10 year olds...but I think it all went well.

We got Bronwyn a beautiful blue scooter. A little over budget, but I think she'll get a lot of use out of it. (will post a pic).

River was mostly included, which was great. I wondered if part of the added craziness was the simple addition of Nicky; a 10 year old boy in the group. It seem to make a couple of the girls get even sillier in a kind of game of one-up-man ship in saying outrageous things. I could be wrong. Maybe that's what they are like when let lose and jacked up on cream soda and cake. Anyway, they had fun and I think Bronwyn had a good birthday. There were a few occasions when I saw it was a bit much for her. She looked over at me at moments with an exasperation as she tried to rally her friends. It was a responsibility that she's not used to. I was pleased to see we weren't completely forgotten...they still wanted us (as adults) to watch this or that. They haven't completely gone over to the other side...still little kids!

Bike Ride to Granville Island

Boat houses at Granville Island

It's already Wednesday and so easy to get behind with updates. Busy weekend with Nicky here. Time flies by and my head spins. Got my taxes done on Saturday...a chore that I am glad to have out of the way. It rained all day, so we stayed in and around home. Bronwyn at her friend's birthday party, Nicky on a play date, River on his own (as usual) playing "Plants vs. Zombies" on his ipad. I need to work harder to provide him with play dates. (What does autism look like? For one thing, it looks like a 7 year old boy who has never been asked for a play date!) He does have a friend to play with, but I need to initiate these play dates, and I need to do more. I perpetually feel like I am failing him. I suspect I am always going to feel that way. But on to Sunday....

Jeronimo!

On Sunday the weather was good and so we decided to bike down to Granville Island. It was a good ride. No complaining from the kids as they sped along. Even River kept up...legs spinning a mile a minute. We tried out the new bike path along Point Grey Rd (an expensive conversion to enable rich people to get out of their driveways). It was weird to ride along there without traffic.

Nicky attempting the bigger jumps

We stopped off at the Jump Park underneath the Burrard St. bridge. Some of the park is for skilled riders...but there is a little slopping part to the side and Bronwyn and River thought they were Evil Kievel (I guess that shows my age!) as they went up and down the slopes - slowly and carefully. "Whoa" yelled River..."Jeronimo!" Nicky is more proficient and can attempt the bigger hills and jumps. He tried a couple and then slipped and got a little injured. But he got back on and tried again.

Glass blowing at Granville Island

There are enough of us to make a 'crowd'

Water taxi parking lot

Had fun at Granville Island; playgrounds, ice-cream, market (avoiding 'killer seagulls'). We stopped off to watch a guy blowing glass in his studio; kids were fascinated as he put the glass into the bright orange furnace and manipulated the shape. We speculated on what it could be...a vase, we decided. The police had quardened off a section of road near the market; a "police incident". Bronwyn and Nicky were morbidly fascinated when they learned that someone had died and endlessly speculated on what could have happened. We found out later that someone had jumped from the Granville Bridge and onto the concrete below...a shocking scene that I am glad we did not see. If we'd been half an hour earlier, we may not have been so lucky. I didn't mention this to the kids. Bronwyn is morbid enough as it is.

Motley crew...we told them to look serious...really!

Back to it.

Back to work...back to school. Was hard to get back into the groove this week. Two weeks is a long break and it feels like we have all struggled to get up in the mornings. Well, it doesn't just feel that way...it has been that way. The kids at the preschool are also a little slow getting into the swing of things. Progress was helped by the weather that has been very spring-like; warm and sunny with blossoms bursting out all over Vancouver streets.

River was very happy to get back his aide. She has been with him for over a year and left to pursue a different position last term. River was very upset. Consistency and routine is very important to him and this is a major factor in how he deals with the anxiety of school life. The school has not been very forthcoming with information and it is very frustrating to be the last to know about these things...not to mention having little or no input in the decisions about who works with your child (their experience, training etc). So we were not sure when he got to school who would be there. But S. was back and I could see that he was very happy and has had a good week. For how long she is back, we don't know.

I have arranged a meeting with the principal next week to talk about some kind of empathy program in River's class and in the school. There have been a few instances of (for want of a better word) bullying and poking fun. River does  not seem to be aware of the instances of poking fun; things like kids running away from him when he wants to play with him. He will simply be unsure of why they run away from him laughing. As well, he is does not understand why a kid hits him or kicks him. So much so that he will continue to want to be that child's friend because, for whatever reason, he has taken a liking to the child. He will just wonder why they hurt him. If he is told that they are being mean, he will repeat that they are mean, but without seeming to have any real understanding of what their behaviour actually means. In school the onus seems to be on River to choose better friends...even though this is difficult for him. But the fact is that some of his peers are lacking in some crucial empathy skills. Inclusion should come hand in hand with demystification and raising awareness of what makes kids different. Instead, I feel like schools simply incorporate kids with disabilities with little or no discussion or information. They are the elephant in the room; everyone knows they are different...but everyone pretends not to notice. Except some of these kids have not even learned feigned unawareness, or anything else. They have learned that it is easy to be overtly mean to a kid that is less able to fight back. I am beginning to wonder if we can actually teach empathy to kids, or whether they learn through observing how adults behave, and talk; as well as through reading comprehension (which requires empathy with characters and their situations). Is this happening...or happening enough?

Crabbing, Galleries...and coming to the end of Spring Break

True to our word we revisited the Jericho pier to attempt to catch some crabs.

Went down to Canadian Tire on Thursday only to find, to my dismay, the crab trap we had wanted (the one we saw everyone else using) was sold out! Not to be deterred we bought a slightly different one. It's small and cheap ($15). Got some crab line to go with it and returned home to get the kids ready for adventure. Of course it was pouring down. It's Spring and this is Vancouver, what more can one expect? But we were not going to let a little bit of rain prevent us from catching a crab..oh no! So we set out on our wet walk to Jericho beach. Nicky on his scooter...and Bronwyn, for a short while. River dragging along behind with his umbrella. And we got there, a little bedraggled, but ready to go.
Stopped off at the grocery store for some chicken drumsticks. I think most crab catchers use chicken neck or something like that...probably something that's gone a little off. Our crabs were going to get chicken drumsticks. It's all they had. So we bought a pack and made the rest up for dinner later on.
 

There were only a few fishers on the pier. Obviously some people had been put off by the persistent rain. We found a place to attach our line and, after considerable arguing among the kids...well, me as well (dammit...I wanted to cast off first. It was MY idea and I was the one who went to get it). Mike looked disapprovingly as I argued with the kids about why I should get the first go...and then sulked for a second because Nicky won the argument. I was still whining, "We should at least toss a coin!" as Mike (very maturely) handed the trap to Nicky and he cast it into the water (bloody kids...they get to do everything first!). My argument is that just because we are adults it does not mean we have forgone everything about being a kid. And it's good for kids to see that adults are not completely removed from the fray of competition. Well, that's my justification for childish behaviour...and, well, so there!

Of course there was a great deal of negotiation about who cast off and who got to pull the line...a few "it's not fairs"...and some reprimands...but it was fun AND we did catch a few small crabs. Pulled them up and then released them and watched them skittle sideways along the dock, a little stunned by their abrupt change in circumstance. Nicky and Bronwyn knew how to pick them up; we examined them closely, their pointed crab legs waving helplessy and little pissed-off hissing and clicking sounds coming from their mouths, feelers spinning around, then they gently put them back in the water. ("Back to be with their families" as Bronwyn liked to put it). In between casting out the trap and waiting, the kids played along the pier and dug holes in the sand. After all, the holes aren't just going to dig themselves.

Other fishers on the beach let the kids touch the big craps that they caught. The atmosphere in general is one of friendliness and fun.

It was a lot of fun, even in the rain. We only quit because we were feeling cold. It's something we'd definitely do again.

The following day, Friday, River had asked to go to daycare. I decided to take Bronwyn and Nicky downtown. Again, it was another day of pouring rain and, again, we refused to let that stop us from getting out and having fun. We got the bus downtown and headed for Pacific Centre Mall for a look around. Neither kids spend much time in malls (and, as I think I've mentioned before, they are my idea of hell on earth...after the zombie apocalypse), but it was fun to look around. We got Bronwyn a couple of things from H&M; so cheap that I question the point of going to Value Village (where I usually buy all the kid's clothes). Then we stopped off at the Apple store to play on the ipads and, finally (all part of my cunning plan), we went to the Vancouver Art Gallery. There is a great Lawren Harris exhibition on right now. As well as photography and a movie by Edward Burtynsky. The kids enjoyed themselves. They were especially transfixed by an video installation consisting of a guy digging his own grave (Derek Brunen's "Plot"). They sat for quite a while watching this video, asking all kinds of questions and speculating on the whys and wherefores of the project. Finally, they just lay down and watched for a while. I am always interested in kid respond to art. They don't have any of that self-consciousness of adults, worried that they don't 'get' it...or trying to sound knowledgeable. They just respond. And they seemed to like this one. Other stuff they had mixed feelings about.

This was a plain, "I don't get it"...though they did like it.

 

They spent most of their time watching a movie by Edward Burtynsky; a behind the scenes look at how he captured the photographs of the exhibition, "China", "Shipbreaking", and "Urban Mines". They sat quietly for more than half an hour watching images of large-scale manufacturing in China. The shipbreaking in Bangladesh; men wading up to their knees in oil as they pull apart oil tankers that have begun to fall apart on the shore. And children rummaging through vast poisonous garbage mountains looking for stuff to recycle. It was not lost on me that they paid more attention to anything that was represented on a screen. Having said that, Bronwyn was very interested in the Lawren Harris paintings. Going through at a children's pace (like butterflies, flitting from one thing to the next) made we want to perhaps revisit without kids and spend a little longer looking around.

We took the bus back home via the library (and the pet store; to look at fish) where the kids spent a long time looking for an old cartoon call 'The Point" by Harry Nilsson, from 1971. I remember watching this as a kid and we borrowed it one time. Not sure what they like about it so much because it seems so dated.

Nicky went back to his mum's and Bronwyn and River spent the weekend with Mark. A quiet, intimate weekend for Mike and I, which was very good and relaxing; time to catch up with each other, and our reading (and some Game of Thrones). Just what was needed before the 'back to work/school' rush that starts on Monday.

Spring..err..back again!?

Yesterday turned out to be a good day. I had limited my expectations, as my last post suggested...but those were surpassed and we had fun. It was a lot colder than we anticipated, with a strong wind westerly wind nipping at our ears and cheeks. Clear skies and bright sunshine. We made our way to Jericho; River trailing along, but appearing to be in much better spirits, a little tired perhaps. We stopped off at various 'playgrounds'. A pile of gravel and a temporarily abandoned digger. Muffin Break and the lure of carrot cake and muffins. Then on to the beach, spending time attempting to climb trees, scrambling along fallen branches over the duck pond. Adventures in 'killing cattails' (cattails are Nicky and Bronwyn's arch enemies - another story); they busied themselves trying to destroy the remnants of cattails that surrounded the Jericho duck pond.

We walked further down the beach towards Spanish Banks and spent some time on the crab-fishing pier (as we call it). Lots of people out there; swinging out their crab catchers, baited with pieces of raw chicken, into the receding tide. I always wonder where crabs develop the taste for chicken. It is curious when you think about it. Why would a meal of chicken lure a crab into a trap? I know there's a good explanation for this, but I don't know if I want to know it. Preferring instead to ponder the possibilities of how crabs come to develop a taste for chicken. It is questions like those that entertain me during those empty moments we all experience now and then.
 

budding photographer

Mike and I decided that we should buy a crab trap. How expensive can they be? We could then return to the pier and catch our own crabs. Of course we would throw them back. Even the biggest crabs; the ones that are wrapped up and taken to be eaten, are not particularly big.

I have never eaten crab. I have always been put off by the boiling alive method of killing. Also, there is something a little barbaric about how people look when they eat crab; cracking the bones and digging out the flesh, their lips shining while butter drips down their chin. And there is the undeniable fact that crabs look like big ugly spiders - and not very appetizing to me. There is not much meat on the crabs caught around here anyway, so rather than eat them, we'd just throw them back - but it might be fun to catch them, especially for the kids. Nicky reminded us today that we need to buy crab traps...tomorrow.

Spring broken

Kids got back on Friday night. River upset because he isn't in daycare next week and will miss the guy who supports him there, who he loves. So I took him away from Wes with tears in his eyes and promised that he could do one more day next week. Despite the tears, there is something very comforting in knowing that your kids love their daycare/after-school care. I discovered yesterday (Saturday) that there may have been some other reason for the tears. He was hit by the flu, even though he's had the flu shot...a useless point that I never tire of making. So he was laid up on the couch all day, burning up with a fever over 40 degrees that I could not seem to bring down, even with Advil. This was followed by a rough night where he woke up feverish and crying.

Poor baby!

Nicky is here this week and so Bronwyn and him are over indulging on their itouch devices. Will have to put the brakes on that before long. One of those dilemmas of modern parenting that we need to contend with. We hardly watch television, but they still spend hours in front of screen.

The line up. Each in their own world...device.

It's a beautiful day, today. Hopefully, we'll get out to the beach later - there have been some low tides this week and River seems to be feeling much better. It's not like before...now we have to drag them out to the beach. When it is proposed there are long faces and excuses. "Awww....do we have to go?" Once they're there, they enjoy it - but not with the same unabashed wonder as they did. Now they are out running around for 20 minutes or so and then we hear, "Can we go home now?" and "We're bored." One of the sadder aspects (for us) of kids growing up. And also one of the sad consequences of living in a beautiful area and close to the beach; kids get used to it and stop seeing it as something special, but merely as mundane and ordinary.

Shhhh....

I am on a secret staycation...a couple of days vacation in Vancouver. The weather is gorgeous; not a cloud in the sky, just sunny and warm. For a couple of days the kids are enjoying some time in JKC (daycare). I am taking some much needed time to recharge my batteries. So this is my vacation. Until this evening when we will really begin Spring Break in earnest.

So what can you do on a beautiful sunny March day in Vancouver when you are on a tight budget? Well, for starters you can do some reading. I just finished "Blindness" by Jose Saramago; a fantastic, and at times grim and awful, read. There is an epidemic of blindness and, in panic, a group of those first afflicted are rounded up and quarantined in a disused mental hospital...then it gets grim, really grim. Humanity stripped down and a quest for survival and the maintenance of dignity and morality in a world of chaos. I won't re-tell the story, but it was a superb book that gave me much food for thought. I won't say I'll rush out to read other works by Saramago...not yet...but I was more than impressed.

Then you can go for a walk along the rugged, natural coastline - as I have done many times before - and self-indulgently marvel at how beautiful it is here. Mike had the afternoon free so we walked from home towards the beach and then on and around, following the shoreline, to Wreck beach. Wreck beach was relatively deserted. And yet, as always, stunningly beautiful. Pictures...

Beginning our walk along the rocky coast. Tide was out and the conditions were perfect for stumbling around the shoreline.

 Every time I come to these towers there is a new paint job. Some are better than others. This one is a a bit meh...but it still caught our eyes.

 A blue crate stranded on the shore made a funny look-out spot.

The lines left by the tide at Wreck beach. Clouds over the north shore, in the distance.

 Me on my vacation!

And, for good measure, another one. Relaxed and laughing...because Mike was being funny. And he can really make me laugh.

I took this for Bronwyn who says she loves pigs and bacon (and pugs). Obviously she is not alone!

 Back home to Jericho. I have so many pictures of this view. But how could I ever tire of it?

For dinner I made a Chicken Vindaloo which, even if I say so myself, was hot and delicious. If I have the time (and inclination) I will write down some of the recipes that Mike and I create. Well, at least the ones that turn out. And this one certainly did. I made it two days in a row!

So it was a lovely vacation with wonderful company. Today I am planning much of the same. Kids are back this afternoon and Nicky was supposed to be here too. But there was a change of plan and he won't be here until tomorrow. That is a shame - but it is out of our hands. We will try to make up for the lost time when he is here.

Now I must continue my vacation and find a sunny spot to sit and read "The French Lieutenant's Woman" (a re-reading of a book that I love). I can only hope this weather will stick around for the rest of the Spring Break.

Get the party started...

Spring break 2014. After a fairly relaxing weekend for Mike and I, we are getting ready to fill up spring break with entertainment. Or should we just relax and let the kids do what they want; which we know would consist of staring at screens for most of the 2 weeks. Like every modern-day parent, we have to fight the lure of the ipad/itouch/computer for the attention of our kids.

Bronwyn has become something of a reader. Proud at the speed with which she gets through a book. Her suggestion of things to do during the break was read. OK! She spent last night at her best friend, Izzy's, birthday party. I will get her soon and quite possibly have to listen to which girl was exclusive and which girl was being rude etc. At this age it seems that girls are very highly competitive and judgmental about each other...does that change? (rhetorical question).

The problem is getting River unglued from his ipad and, in particular, from the game "Plants vs Zombies". If permitted, he will play this game  non-stop. He will also talk about it non-stop - to anyone who will listen. It takes quite an effort to pull him away and coerce him into playing something else like Lego.

The rained poured down on Saturday and Sunday...it is March and this is Vancouver, no surprises there. Of course this scuppered our plans for a long walk and so, instead, we watched the final couple of episodes of True Detective. It was okay. A bit of an anti-climax. I am skeptical of all the hype, anyway. The characters are interesting, particularly Rust - the sub-plot is the oh-so-familiar hunt for a serial killer who is torturing and killing/raping women and children (is there really nothing else??). Stereo-types of dubious evangelic extremists groups. Wonderful scenery and sets. But no intriguing women characters. Apparently in this ground-breaking series they kept to all the formulaic traditions of a serial killer-detective show. Perhaps it was considered just TOO ground-breaking (the audience just isn't ready for it!) to write a role for a woman that wasn't as a dead person (carefully crafted dialogue and images that lead us to picture a rape and torture scene), a prostitute, or a nagging wife/girlfriend. This gets tiresome for me. So I was entertained as long as I could push these glaring defects off to one side.

After a Saturday spent lazing together, we went over to Trini and Lorne's for dinner and drinks. This felt incredibly grown up. We had a good time and it was great to catch up. They live 5 minutes away and yet we don't get together very much. I'd like to alter that pattern. We chatted and talked about this and that, entertained ourselves with their 3 cats (one of who is very shy), and commented on photos as they came up on the TV/computer screen-saver. It was fun. Mike and I, even after a year of living together, still consider ourselves a new couple; emerging slowly into the world of a dinners and outings with other people. We are both relatively quiet homebodies too - it has to be said. Sunday was another lazy day. Reading. I am reading "The In-between World of Vikram Lall", and thoroughly enjoying it. Mark brought the kids back after they spent the weekend with him. And now we begin.

Let's try this again...

Been meaning to update...but days go by, then weeks, then months....you know how it is.

I have missed so much over the past months and it is a shame. So we're back.

A recap: River had a birthday and turned 7. School is okay. There have been some bullying incidents and I can only hope it is the not start of the way things will be for him. A couple of incidents where he was hit and others where he's been laughed at. I am meeting/working with the teacher and principal to figure out what we can do. It seems to me that the other kids could use some education and empathy. However, overall he seems to be having a better time at school than he had last year. We still continue to work with him to help him with social communication and to give him tools that regulate his behaviour. He is definitely progressing...but, as is typical with autism, it's a slow road.

Bronwyn is doing well at school. Anxious over her grades and determined to get straight A's. She's become a good chess player and, overall, an avid game player and reader. She's smart. A lot smarter than I was/am. It's a little disconcerting. I will talk more about some of the books that she is reading as well as my own.

Nicky is my step-son and Bronwyn and River's step brother. Full of energy and great at socializing - he plays all kinds of games with River and is, without question, River's idol. He is also good friends with Bronwyn and they have a good time together when he is with us.

I continue to work at the preschool/language centre. It is hard work. Rewarding, but exhausting and challenging at the same time. And criminally underpaid. I am looking forward to spring break. I am proud that I have motorbiked to work almost every day. I should also be using my wonderful blue bicycle (pics later), but I am a fair weather cyclist. Mike cycles to work day in and day out, putting me to shame.

I will fill in more details of our lives as I go along. But here's some recent pics...

 Mike and I continue our 'big walks' around the city and further. We go anywhere from 15 to 20km and walking downtown and all around, including picking up buns at New Town Bakery in China town. A well-known and amazingly busy bakery/restaurant on Pender st., famous for their steamed buns. Will get pics the next time we are there. This view was from Canada Place looking to the south. I think it is a city view that one does not usually see. Walking around the city has been a wonderful way to really get to know Vancouver. We don't have the time to walk as much as we did...but we try to do one or two big walks when the kids are with Mark.

This past weekend (against my advice because I said they should plan it and have more stuff...what do I know?!) the kids decided to have a small yard sale. They made a few dollars...but it was cute that they had the idea and, without assistance, carried it out. Looking forlorn was a good strategy as well. River bought back a couple of his own toys (although Bronwyn denies they were his). Here he is negotiating the purchase of wind up chattering teeth.

 Nicky cannot resist smiling...but Bronwyn maintains her stern countenance. Often frowning, just like I used to (still do!) I hope she is not cursed with the major frown lines that sit on my forehead.

 Bronwyn and Nicky walking to Jericho. Bronwyn loving her 'fur' coat and beginning to work on her own unique style. Both in their (ridiculous) high top shoes.

Kids busy breaking rocks on the beach...always some rocks that need smashing.

Mike - who hates any pictures of himself but, oh well, I like them.

River taking in the beach and the city view.

Still working on various projects - knitting/crochet...and still reading; just not as much as I would like. Time is the commodity that is always in short supply.

So this is were we start from....more to follow.