Things that make you go "Ugh!"

Ugh! number 1: Head-lice. Hello, I am a nasty insect that looks like a mini cockroach and I live in your scalp, sucking on your blood, and laying tiny sticky eggs all over your hair that will turn into other head lice. But just to make you feel better you can tell your friends that I prefer clean hair. The last thing we want is to make our home in dirty...errr...lice-ridden hair. That clean hair thing did not make me feel better as a kid...and nothing has changed. It makes no sense...

After trekking across 'miles' of hair to search and conquer other 'planets' (aka heads), the worn out headlice and his pregnant wife and their kids finally reach the scalp of a new place. It's not quite what they expected; garbage everywhere, gangs of unsavoury headlice hanging around greasy unwashed follicles; smoking and drinking.

Barb: "Kev, I'm sorry but I can't' stay here. Look at this place, it's filthy! Me and the kids are not staying here a minute longer. And no way I'm laying more eggs here...no way. I wouldn't bring up a gnat in a place like this! I'm beginning to think my mother was right about you! She warned me, but would I listen? Oh no. And look where it's got me. I bumped into Debs the other day on the school desk...remember her?...well, her and Gary are living on this beautiful clean head. It's got everything; fresh blood, nice clean dark roots, great safe areas of scalp where the kids can play. If you had any kind of ambition and got off your arse then maybe we could move somewhere like that."

Kev: "Well, the lads down at the 'Dandruff and Itch' were saying that this head is really up and coming and that we should get in now....we can clean it up a bit...right? At least we have each other..."

Slap!


Head-lice decided to take up residence in Bronwyn's mass of thick, long, beautiful hair. I had to use the 'special' shampoo and then comb it all out with the 'special' comb. I had to do this twice. Supposively, the 'special' shampoo/cleanser kills them on contact. Apparently not. I found a couple of live ones the next day (shudder). Apparently, the head-lice hadn't got the message about the shampoo...and were resistant. So we tried another shampoo that essentially dissolves them. Goodbye bugs. Hello endless loads of laundry.

Ugh: Seagulls! A pleasant trip to Granville Island with River was marred when a seagull did this to my LIP!

River and I were just going out to the boardwalk area behind the Public Market. We were munching on pieces of cheese bun. A few seconds after we got out I noticed very large seagulls shrieking and flapping uncomfortably close to us. You could feel the air displaced by their huge wings. A few seconds later and one swooped down to River's head; wings flapped around his head and claws pulled his hair. River froze, scared, "Hurt head!" he exclaimed. I immediately started towards him in order to grab him and get him back inside to safety. The gulls were still hovering close by. I put the last piece of my bun in my mouth as I moved towards River and suddenly a gull dived down at my face and tried to get the piece of bread...from my mouth. It's beak bruised and cut my lip. At first my lip just felt bruised and was really burning, but then I put my hand to my mouth and noticed there was blood coming out. Bastard! It didn't get the bread though..ha ha! I quickly collected River, who was still cowering and complaining about his 'hurt head', and we scurried back to the market. There are stupid people who feed gulls and pigeons. Gulls are big aggressive birds that are not in danger of starving!

ETA:  I shall return with a bag of breadcrumbs and a flamethrower!

Ugh: Drunk men in pubs! My sister and I were enjoying a pint at my local the other night when we were approached by an older (older than us anyway) drunk guy; glassy eyed and slurring his speech. He had already sent over a couple of shots that we didn't ask for, nor want. He blathered on about this and that in an attempt to appear charming. "Are you two schisterss....or 'schisterss'" was his stunning opener. He proceeded to tell me he was a barber and that, though I was a 'handsome' woman, I needed to change my hair. Drunk men should not approach women enjoying a quiet drink....ever; the chances of saying something stupid and making yourself seem like a pathetic loser are way too high. Later the same evening a small child threw a large candy cane Christmas tree ornament that hit me. Nice. To be fair, I don't think he was actually aiming at me. The waitress actually took 10% of our bill as recompense for the assaults.  On the way home I startled a skunk...but fortunately it didn't spray. I'm wondering if I should change my hair. Maybe he has a point.